All of my life I have been told, “You are just too sensitive.” So, yesterday when I found out my beloved dog died, I cried a river. And, I am still crying today. I have always felt a certain guilt because my grief for animals has often surpassed the grief I have felt for my beloved human beings. I have always wondered why I feel that way. Even watching “Old Yeller,” and “Where the Red Fern Grows” as a kid was painful for me. Maybe because I am an only child and my dogs and cats were my friends, my playmates, even my confidants. And best of all, they provided unconditional love. Maybe that’s it, the love thing. Animals will love you no matter what you do. Even if you make them sleep out in the rain. They do not judge you or nag you or expect you to give more than you can. They just want to sleep beside you on the bed.

I found Sophie across the street from my house sniffing in the ditch. Understand, I am a soft touch when it comes to stray animals. I can’t resist taking them in. In my mind, even if all I can give them is a little love and a chicken bone that’s enough. She was special. Just like when you meet certain people who light up your life, that was her.

She looked up at me for the first time and cocked her head to the side, (her signature move). You know how some dogs just look female or male….she was so pretty. She followed me in the house and was greeted by the other four dogs that reside with us. They never like the newcomer. However, Sophie was quick to charm though and before long was a member of the family.

She was constantly making me mad, running off at full speed, leading our little dog off on a merry chase. She loved to run and I mean run fast. I have never seen such a fast dog. I am sitting here by the window now, wishing she would run by. Or that I could see her lying under the wisteria getting some sun.

For the first time in a long time I am letting the pain envelope me, penetrate the wall I have created to keep pain out. The wall I didn’t even realize was there, until, fumbling for hope in the darkness, I knocked a brick off of it and they all started to fall. I didn’t realize when I was using drugs to kill pain that I would kill the good feelings and the bad. Who knew this crazy dog would make me love her so much that losing her would cause this deluge.

I have heard many times that I need to be tough, that I would never make it through life if I didn’t toughen up. But, I tried that, and I put my heart under lock and key, and missed the pain alright, but lost my passion for life. But now I know you can get it back.
The pain is excruciating and almost bittersweet and thank God for it.  

So, thank you so much Sophie. Enjoy Heaven….you can run as much as you like and never get hurt. I feel that I have to tell you that you won’t be forgotten, ever. Even when I am too old to remember your name, I will still feel your soft fur and sweet love.