The Freedom of Truth

Deception is defined as, a ruse or the state or fact of being deceived. Why is the human mind so prone to it? Is it our separation from our Creator that causes the constant search for truth and therefore facilitates the ease with which we are deceived? God has been calling me as long as I can remember. I largely ignored his call for thirty or so years. And was I ever deceived.
He led me into the dark so I could see the light. For me, it had to be this way. I was the typical American, materialistic, spoiled, immature, and mean. Giving lip service to being a “good” person. I was deceptive, a liar, and a cheat, dark in my ways. After thirty four years I realized the error of my ways. Just because I may not have been caught in every dark act, my soul knew all along.
That is the amazing power of the soul. A built in guide to life and love. After all this time I realize all I had to do was listen to it. Really listen to it. However, I could not do this until I woke up. The strange thing is I thought I was “awake” three years ago. I was not. Reading a book on how to awaken is simply a map. There is no replacement for experience. I absolutely had to experience the pain to awaken. The pain of losing. Losing the security of my childhood home and family at eighteen, two marriages over by twenty eight, a new baby whose father felt no need to stick around, the loss of my home, the loss of my nursing license, drug addiction, the suicide of my dear nephew. And along with all this, the loss of my faith in God, my confidence, my hope for the future that had always been there in the past to pull me through.
As I was wading through all this, not one thought came into my mind and heart about how I had treated people, how selfish I was. Underneath all this, my soul must have known, as I had to have drugs to cope, to help me bury the pain. I am here to say, it won’t stay buried forever. Eventually, the pain rose up and there were not enough drugs to manage it.
All this to arrive here. Where I sit today. Living with my parents at thirty four years old. No money, no house, no job, no credit cards to continue my materialistic hunger.
This is what I do have: my soul mate, my son, my parents, and a new, real relationship with God. And a need to find the truth that I cannot quench. Oh yes, and a new hobby that allows me to create and feel passion again. A new appreciation for cooking good food and enjoying it, baking for my family, taking care of them. Because I want to take care of them. There is no greater joy for me now than giving of myself in any way I can.
I feel myself at a crossroads. The shedding of society, manipulation, deceit, evil. I am in the process of learning how to live in a new way. It is so hard to know where to go in this world if I am to be true to my soul. To be truly mature, loving, responsible for my actions and my thoughts. And, strong enough to defend my belief in God, my belief built on my own experience, not based solely on a verse read to me in church. The pain and loss are what have uplifted me. I would never have gotten here without them.
So, today is Independence Day in America. How about independence from the lower self, the evil that controls our society. This has been said so many times, but how about giving of ourselves and expecting nothing in return while at the same time gaining everything.

The best way to find yourself, is to lose yourself in the service of others.
– Ghandi

Posted by crystalmuse23 on July 4, 2012

https://crystalmuse23.wordpress.com/2012/07/04/the-freedom-of-truth/