Another Monday…….which is a silly thought for me since I don’t work outside the home anymore, and it’s summertime. Still, old thought patterns and habit energies are hard to control. Like labeling a certain day with a word and associating that word with the beginning of another long, stressed work week. The activities of daily living do not have work weeks and weekends. Working here in the home is usually the same from day to day. The only difference is my attitude and mood. Every couple of months I start missing work “out in the real world.” My life here at home becomes monotonous, boring, not sexy enough. I can’t afford all the new clothes, hair highlights, the sexy attitudes anymore. My ego (and conditioning) tell me that taking care of life is not as good as helping a corporation make a buck, or a killing, I should say.
My husband tells me yesterday, “It’s true that when momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” I knew what he was referring to but asked him anyway, “what are you referring to?” He said, “just that, when you are in a good mood, everybody is in a good mood.” Immediately I felt guilty, (old thought pattern), but quickly realized how much benefit for all there could be from being peaceful and happy. “You are heart and home here,” he said. “Without you, nothing would get done.” He went on to say how much it meant to have dinner and a clean house, clean clothes and candles burning. One sweet compliment can make the whole world better.
When I really examine the reasons I want to be working outside the home again, they all align with ego. More money which means more stuff which means more stress which means………less time with my family, less time to cook good food for them and keep our home warm. Less time with my soul.
Our society is so twisted, we are encouraged to not take care of the only things that really matter. The real measure of success is what level of materialism you can reach. Work late so you won’t have time to sit at dinner with your family, work weekends too, and when you get home you can finish up the paperwork you couldn’t get done at the office and then…….zone out…….you are so tired from the stress, who cares about family time.
So, on monotony, defined by Webster as, “sounded or uttered in a single unvarying tone or pitch,” my life is not monotonous. My attitude is monotonous. The first step for me has been the recognition of this insanity. I am still wading my way out of the depths of the ego but I recognize the path now. I am trying not to pressure myself to be perfect in every thought and action immediately or ever maybe. But, I think that recognition is the first step. I could not change a behavior without seeing it. And I will admit this now….sometimes I do recognize a bad behavior, and I do it or say it anyway….but, I recognize this also. For me, this is where discipline begins and it’s difficult. We are not used to denying the ego, are we?
Monday is another day, just like Saturday. I wake up, play on the computer, crochet, play with my son, visit with my mother, clean, wash clothes, cook dinner and bake, lay in bed with my dear husband at night. It may be the same tone every day, but it’s a beautiful one. Why would I want to sit in a cubicle, doing work that is not aligned with my truth, hair highlights or not? So…..boo you ego, I am happy today.
Musings in Bloom 